Old coffee dates? Nah—this one is pretty recent, although the word “old” makes it more quirky. I had coffee with Sanya late this afternoon (at my favorite spot in town!) I was basically starving and I didn’t go to school again; I’ve been having constant absences for the past few weeks. School has been boring me to tell you frankly and I feel sluggish in the afternoon but despite this atrocious and increasing number of absences that I have been making, I see to it that I get to study all of my subjects and hopefully pass all of them without deficiencies. Anyhow, I had coffee with San and we shared stories of this and that and of our dead “gay bitch” friend who I saw in school this morning…Unfortunately for me! (in a British accent). 

We bought planners/notebooks before heading home. They look pretty neat and long-lasting coupled with the strange vintage parchment paper that actually does not look like a real parchment paper at all, it is a Taiwanese store after all (which sells coolio stuff) I didn’t know San and I share the same fondness in Notebooks. This is just weird—we’ve been friends since God knows when but I had no slightest clue that you collect notebooks. High five for the newly discovered trait/ hobby! Alright:)

I took some of the Photos above while San was busy scanning for books. She was eyeing Lemony Snicket’s A Series of Unfortunate Events—suddenly everybody wants a copy of this book, maybe I should too? Aww, missing Harry Potter so much:(

I used my crappy digital camera. I plan not to have it fix, I’ll never complain again. I am sorta/kinda happy that it is still functioning well although I have to make tons of effort to get a perfect shot. 

I started writing on my planner/journal. I hope I get through this alive, productive and wise. 

I’m half-astounded and half-guilty that I can actually get this intense anger out in just one silly, petty reason. I’m thinking of getting to rehab or probably look for a psychiatrist that can help me resolve my issues. When I say intense it means the rage of fury coming right at you; I can’t seem to calm down and I can’t even control myself going cranky all of the sudden without even “understanding” the whole thing; i just get bitter in a count of 3.

I feel… it makes me sad to think I can actually hurt people with words I’m not even certain of, accusing them with things they didn’t do.  During that infamous wrongdoing, my friend asked me to accompany him to the Guidance Office because I needed to let it all out and I need to stop hating the wrong people for just one stupid mistake and misunderstanding. (I wasn’t summoned by the Guidance Councilor, just to clear things out. It was already passed the office hours. Hahaha) I just needed air to breathe and a little time to think things over, so thankful of my friend who was honest enough to tell me the details, what really happened and my mistakes. Basically, it was all my fault. It was immature and I should have not reacted inappropriately. I wanted to ask for an apology but it did not happen the way my friend and I wanted it to happen because instead of making the first move, they were the ones who approached me however they did not say sorry nor did I. 

It takes time. I am still waiting for that perfect moment. I have to ask for forgiveness and I need to stop being a bitch for once. I can be so stubborn and can completely forgot about this but this time I should not. I need to learn; I need to learn how to be nice. (That’s going to my New Year’s Resolution so help me God.)

Sunset

If you were to choose sunrise over sunset, what would you choose and why? A dear friend of mine asked me during one of those unwinding old coffee dates. I answered her with delight and said “I’d choose sunset, because the breaking of the dawn does not mean it is the end of something beautiful but the beginning of something more spectacular.”

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I’ve come to realized this and only this: Choose your friends wisely because you’ll never know the ones that will destroy your whole being. 

I guess my over thinking of things has lead me to this general realization. My sudden mood swings helped me in some odd ways to know people that will stick with me in good times most especially in bad times like this. I’ve come to know what kind of repugnant monsters they have become, the stages that they were undergoing that lead me to this. I hate them and their guts. 

I won’t name names, dropping such names will not elucidate my fury against them. I maybe a drama queen but damn you, i can break your bones if I want to. (Liar, liar) I really don’t give a damn what people say about me being a drama queen. If I get annoyed, I get really pissed. End of the mother fucking story. I don’t need people telling me that I need to calm down because I won’t. Sometimes, you just have to face the reality that you have someone like me. I’m no ordinary girl just sitting there, swallowing all the anger and hurt. I speak my mind. I don’t shy away and not let you know hasta ka maugmaran. No matter how petty, lame and huge the issue is, if you pissed me off prepare your sissy ass to get kick. 

How i wish I could bitch slap someone. in the face. with a chainsaw. 

Today is not my day—to sum it all up I had an aggravating day. Beyond doubt my morning was twice as ill-fated then the rest of the time I had earlier. The usual, I woke up as early as 5 o’clock in the morning to prepare for my brother’s breakfast and his uniform for school. (He is a spoiled brat and basically he knows nothing in ironing clothes to preparing his own breakfast.) The sad moment you wish your mother was home; I kind of paid the price for being my mom’s number one enemy the time she was still around. Anyhow, it’s not an easy task being the eldest and normally doing all the chores and duties-shit whatever my mom left me to endure to such extent that I started having numerous absences and a few tardiness; that made one concern classmate who ran to me and conveyed the bitter truth that I was now a candidate for dropping. Last night, the fact that I slept late, I made it to a point that I get to class in time this morning and actually I was not late for class. I live miles away but I was not late however the unpleasant part begins here; upon entering the main gate of the campus, a friend of mine called me and that we were supposed to wait for another friend, she came in a little late but I was not in a rush and I thought that they were thinking the same but they were not, how unfortunate! I know that they were in a hurry but what they did and how they acted pissed me off big time, I don’t wanna go into the details because I don’t even want to talk about it anymore. It’s a pathetic reason but pissing me off early in the morning just makes me hate people even more. So, basically I spent the entire day annoying myself and bitching their assess off. I just hate it when people make me feel stupid.  Apparently, I have now revamp myself into a unlovely, rotting zombie. I haven’t sleep a wink the past few days and I look like a wreck. I have a workload of school stuff I need to read. Our delayed midterm examination will be in two weeks. As a matter of fact, I have one exam tomorrow in Law. Yes, I have one subject that basically revolves around the Labor Codes of the Philippines. It’s silly yet descriptive and I have to go, feeling a little lethargic. Must sleep. 

“It was not just an earthquake.” There was a 5.9 magnitude earthquake (someone just told me, not so sure with this information though)  the region experienced last night around 8:30 or was it 9pm? I don’t know, I’m uncertain but I’m pretty sure the whole house was wobbling. I was in my estranged father’s bedroom getting into my pambahay clothes when my brother shrieked a sign of panic from the living room, I ran up to him as soon as I can and indeed it was all-consuming. I was terrified because we were the only ones at home and my other brother was not around yet. What if it was the end? We can never tell nature’s fury or the Lord’s final judgement. 

Why is the Internet Connection slow? Is it because my D”ck is too big?

Excuse my french, pardon my language. I am just extremely irritated with our Internet Subscriber coupled with my slow laptop. Fuck my life! Why now when I need to upload the video blog I made earlier this morning, intended for Meinofel’s eyes only though. I woke up late this morning (due to my obsessive aptness of finding the best of the best soothing music ever recorded from the most talented artists of this generation and of the past.) I slept nearly around 12mm to be exact; but still uncertain because I was continually replaying Miss Winehouse’s “Back to Black” single. Oh, agony of the hearts! Basically, I used up my languid time in making this said video. I was toying with my twiggy’s effects ( I lack know-how in DSLR cameras however there is always room for improvement. So they say.) So, I ended up making more than 5 videos, checking ones that were facebook ready then twiggy started giving me weird and foggy shots. I got scared and was sweating bullets “Fuckity fuckity fuck. Not my camera, pleaseeee!” I haven’t been using twiggy for awhile for I fear that i might over used my camera and stuff, the last time I used twiggy was during our family’s new year party. So, I was stressing out that maybe some kind of defect happened inside my camera while I was recording more than 5 videos. I tried cleaning the outside lens, tried altering the menu, taking shots again, still foggy, got really scared. Shit. I opted to bring him to my Dad’s close friend who probably knows how to fix this because he is a photographer and he might be the doctor that my baby needs. Eventually, I got the hang of it and was fixed in no time. I fixed twiggy myself with that brilliant thought that just popped out of my mind. Great! :)  However, THIS is not great. Oh bummer, why waste in waiting for this freaking connection to finally work in full swing? I live in the middle of nowhere. That sire, answers the question of why the internet connection is being a bitch and not my dick because obviously I’m a lady and I don’t have one. Le Sigh

TAKE ME TO COACHELLA

I don’t care if it rains hardcore all throughout the day and night as long as I’m safe in my room, curled up under my sheets, get an earful of the best “feel good music” playing ardently on my Gramophone record that soothes me to the very core; as I leaf through some of the pages of my favorite book, lost in thought, my mind wanders somewhere else. I gather up my innermost thoughts and take a sip on my hot choco as I build castles in the air. I would love a rain shot, I see snapshots in my mind, I most probably got those from the magazines I’ve read or movies I’ve seen. I should include that on my bucket list. A sexy rain shot. 

I’m setting up goals this year and the years that follow. I can’t share it to you right now because I’m still weighing things down before I finalize everything and give my last decision. I’ll probably be making the hardest decisions and I’ll be taking risks. Lots of them. I can’t stay here forever, I can’t live like this. This is not life, this is a prison cell. It’s either I stay with you and die or I leave this town alive.