At one point during the weekend; i felt like my Christmas spirit was losing its grip. It was constantly fluctuating back and forth between “I’m so glad it’s Christmas! The most wonderful time of the year is here again!” and “Oh my God! Why is it so boring and less festive? Is it just me?” I admit, I have no mother to bake us pastries and goodies on Christmas eve. We didn’t set up any Christmas decorations at home. I am typing this entry in our aphotic living room while I welcome intently the ramblings of the downpour as I cough like a mad dog on winter. (I need my medicine) I miss my constraining and finicky mother. No matter how loud she is to us, she inhabits to be my ray of sunshine. Where is mother when you need her? Where is the holiday cheer when you need it? 

Christmas was a lot different back when I was still caught on the act dancing to the tune of “sha la la la” wearing my pink tutu on Christmas day. I was sporting my signature pig tails with the pink bows that was akin to my bib and tucker on December 25, 1996. I remember this vivid imagine on Christmas Eve hours away before the clock strikes 12. I was 5 and I woke up because I was thirsty and I needed to drink my milk. I was afraid to wake up my aunt that was sleeping next to me, thus I walked out of the room into the dark hallway leading to our stairs on Christmas Eve. It was dark and I couldn’t find the switch, I was scanning the room keenly, any signs of weird movements could simply mean there is a Ghost following me. Ah, the good life. 

I fear this to happen but I don’t want to see and feel my Christmas spirit to fade away and wander somewhere else. I love the Holidays, yes I do, I still have that odd certainty that Santa could be real, but I’m getting older. The aging process is sending some sort of signals to my brain to stop the holiday cheer in my system somehow he can’t go through because I won’t allow him to ruin my merry christmas. Weird thing is, it’s shifting to a realistic and a more mature way of celebrating the Christmas season. 

Tis the season to be jolly fa la la la la la la la….

I reckon growing older and gaining more prudent knowledge about the little things does not hinder you from enjoying this wonderful time that every little girl and boy is waiting for. Let’s go back to the times of our childhood, let’s embrace Christmas like how these children grasp the holidays. Our Christmas Spirit is not fading, will not fade, will remain in us, forever. We are simply ignoring it because we’re afraid to be laughed at. There’s nothing to fear in Christmas. We should all be happy and thankful that we are blessed with this Holiday, this special season.